best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
