I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
