I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
