you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
