Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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