I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
