SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
