Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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