just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my poor anus
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
