then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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