I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you made out with another girl for some wings
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
