Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
