That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The feeling are messing with the penis
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
