I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
