I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
