You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Come on in and take your pants off
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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