ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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