If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
