There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
