Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
