Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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