can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He kissed a someone with a penis
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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