**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
