A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
