Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
