I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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