Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Green mimosas i think yes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
