So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
