I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
be right there i have to get my cape
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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