Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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