I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I could fuck to npr.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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