Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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