explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
