now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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