Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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