i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
