I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
