Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
