You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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