if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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