I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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