Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
