ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
