Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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