What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
