I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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