Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
