I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
