Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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