It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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