Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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