On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
