so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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