You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
