I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
