One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
