I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
