Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
