having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
