Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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