I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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