so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
