My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He has the fingertips of a God
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
