Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize