If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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