My brain says no but my pants say off.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
