Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
