Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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