The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
