i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
