i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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