Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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