I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
