That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
