I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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