I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh god the rape fog is back!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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