I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
