College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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