ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize