On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Text me some of your sweat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
