he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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