Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
