What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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