we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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