I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
