Need sex. Gaining weight.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
