Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
