Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
