Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
