Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
