Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
