If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
