Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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