I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize