will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
